How to Respond When Others Question Your Child-Led Approach
You're midway through a therapy session, fully engaged with your student, following their lead, honoring their pace, letting them move around the room as they explore…and then you hear it. You hear that comment from a colleague, a para, or a parent:
"Well, if you don't make her do it, she's not going to."
Or maybe it's:
"If you let him say no to everything, he'll never cooperate again."
Your stomach drops and your shoulders tense. Suddenly, you feel defensive that everything you believe about child-led speech therapy, neuroaffirming therapy, and connection over complianceis being questioned.
You're not alone and here's the truth: what you're doing isn't chaos, it's deeply intentional. In this post, I want to walk you through exactly how to respond when someone questions your child-led therapy approach, so you can stay grounded in your values, advocate with confidence, and help your team understand why this work matters.
Why Defensiveness Doesn't Serve Us (Even When It Feels Justified)
Let me tell you what happened to me recently. I was scrolling through comments on a Facebook ad for my Great Language Partner Workbook, and someone left a comment claiming that Gestalt Language Processing isn't real and that my workbook was "unethical." My first instinct was full defense mode. I wanted to type out a dissertation defending GLP, my work, and the families I serve. But then I paused.
Because here's the thing, defensiveness closes us off from the very understanding we're trying to build. When we're questioned, whether it's a Facebook troll or a well-meaning colleague, our natural response is to protect ourselves and our work. But that knee-jerk reaction rarely helps. Instead, it puts up walls exactly when we need to be building bridges.
So what do we do instead? We step out of defense mode and into curiosity.
Understanding Where the Questions Are Really Coming From
Most of the time, when someone questions your neuroaffirming speech therapy approach, it's not actually about you. It's about fear. It’s about fear that if the child isn't pushed, they won't make progress or that if adults aren't in control, chaos will take over. It could also be fear that the child will "fall behind" if they're not sitting at the table, following directions, and performing on demand. And let's be honest, that's a valid fear, especially for parents and team members who have been taught for years that compliance equals success.
When we recognize that these questions come from fear (not malice), we can respond with more grace, more patience, and more clarity.
What to Say When Someone Questions Your Child-Led Approach
Let's get practical. Here are some real, usable scripts you can adapt when someone challenges your child-led speech therapymethods.
1. Start by finding common ground
Instead of swinging to the opposite extreme and saying something like, "Well, we don't make kids do anything here," (which can sound terrifying to someone steeped in behaviorist models), try this:
"I know we both really want [student's name] to be able to communicate spontaneously and use their device confidently. One of the strategies I'm using is centering their preferences and following their lead because that's where we get the best insight into how they're processing the world. When we do that, we're teaching them that communication is powerful and meaningful. And that's when learning sticks."
You're not dismissing their concern. You're reframing the how while staying aligned on the what.
2. Lean into the evidence
Child-led therapy isn't woo-woo. It's grounded in research on intrinsic motivation, naturalistic developmental interventions, and how humans actually learn. Try saying:
"The research on intrinsic motivation tells us that learning happens when the learner is regulated, interested, and has autonomy. And honestly, that's true for all of us. I don't learn when I'm dysregulated or forced to do something I don't see value in. When we follow [student's name]'s lead, we increase their buy-in. That's when skills develop and generalize."
3. Address the fear of "letting them say no"
This one comes up a lot: "If you let her say no, she'll just say no to everything." Here's how I respond:
"If we're afraid to let her say no because we think she'll never cooperate again, I think that tells us more about the things we're asking her to do than it does about her willingness to learn. When sessions revolve around her interests, her sensory profile, and her values, she actually wants to participate. Her protesting is communication. I view 'no' as information, not a threat."
Yes, it's direct. But it's also kind, collaborative, and true.
Setting Boundaries with Colleagues Mid-Session
Sometimes, the issue isn't just philosophical tension, it's someone actively giving directions or critiques while you're in the middle of a session. So what do you do? Here's a boundary-setting script you can use:
"Hey, I just want to let you know, I have a really hard time switching between supporting [student's name] and talking with adults during the session. Do you think we could save our professional discussion for the last five minutes so I don't miss anything important that they're doing?"
You're not shutting them down. You're protecting the integrity of the session and your relationship with your student while still leaving space for collaboration. If they don't respect that boundary, follow up later:
"I really respect you, and I really enjoy collaborating. Let's find a way to do that outside of [student's name]'s time so we can all give them our full attention."
Stop Winging It: Create a Go-To Plan
One of the best strategies my clinical team and I came up with was to stop relying on ourselves to say the perfect thing in the moment. Instead, we created handouts we can give to parents, paras, and team members that clearly explain what child-led therapy is (and isn't), the evidence behind it, what progress might look like, and what to expect in our sessions.
This takes the pressure off us to perform in the hard moments and it gives families and colleagues something tangible to refer back to. You can do the same. Create a one-page handout, a family welcome packet, or even a short email template you can send when questions come up.
So, if you take anything away from this blog post, I hope it’s this. Step out of defense mode and into curiosity. Most questions come from fear, not malice. Find common ground first, then bridge the "how." Lean into the evidence: child-led, neuroaffirming approaches are research-backed. Set boundaries with kindness to protect your sessions and your students. Create tools in advance so you're not scrambling to explain yourself in the moment.
Being a child-led therapist and a change-maker is hard. It would be easier to go back to traditional methods, to be in control, to know exactly what's going to happen in every session.
But that's not why we're here.
Child-led therapy asks more of us — more flexibility, more reflection, more humility, more presence. And yes, it's the hardest kind of work. But it's also the most powerful. So the next time someone questions what you're doing, take a breath. Remember, what you're doing is not nothing. It's actually the hardest kind of something.
Your job isn't to convince. It's to connect, collaborate, and show them the why behind what you're doing.
You've got this.
If you liked this blog, I know that you’ll LOVE my podcast, Let Them Lead. Listen here.
